Many of the abusive phrases emotionally that parents use, are phrases that they do not realize are a form of child abuse. Emotional abuse is a way of sabotaging another person’s feelings of self-worth and undermining their independence. It’s just as damaging to a child as physical abuse, but it affects her mental health rather than her body.
Studies have shown that tell a child emotionally abusive phrases it can be as damaging as a beating. It not only interferes with a child’s view of himself and the world around him. It can also cause aggressive behavior and depression.
15 emotionally abusive phrases that parents say
Your words are as important as your actions and affect your child equally. Given the parents often say emotionally abusive phrases without realizing it, it is essential to know some of the most common mistakes. By knowing these phrases, you will be able to be more careful with your children.
1. “I wish you were like…”
When you compare your child to another, it ruins their view of themselves. It will cause a distorted image of themselves in your mind. So they will always see themselves negatively because of that.
Saying things similar to this phrase can also make siblings turn on each other. It can cause unhealthy rivalry and can irreparably ruin the sibling bond. This phrase can also make a child feel like he has to earn your love.
2. “What would I do without you?”
This phrase may seem completely innocent and harmless, but that is not really the case. When you say this to a child, you force him to become a responsible adult figure. Since you are supposed to be the caretaker, the child should not feel like he has to take care of you.
3. “Get Over It”
When you tell them this, you invalidate the child’s feelings. You also minimize what happened to the child who upset him. This phrase is a way of asserting power over the child, which is not something you should ever do.
Saying this also gives the child the impression that you don’t care about their feelings. Over time, it will make them question whether they are overreacting in every situation. This will damage their self-esteem and make them lose confidence or avoid standing up for themselves.
Instead of saying these words to a child, try something else. If you give them space to feel their emotions without judgment or criticism, they will accept the situation more quickly. In addition, it gives them the opportunity to learn about emotional regulation and to have their feelings validated.
4. “Why aren’t you better at…?”
When you question your child’s abilities in this way, you can make him give up. If you ask them why they are not better at a sport, an instrument, or any other activity, they will lose confidence. While you may think this phrase will make them try harder, it will have the opposite effect.
When you make them feel like they’re not good enough, they’ll think they can’t do it. This is true for activities, as mentioned above, but also for school subjects, homework, and anything else. It causes serious self-doubt and insecurity, and can lead to anxiety and depression.
5. “I never said that”
This should only be said to a child when it is unmistakably correct. If you say it at any other time, it will have serious consequences for the child. When you tell a child that you didn’t say something you said, it’s a form of gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a way for abusers to make their victims question their reality. When you do this to a child, they will start to question everything. It can ruin your perception of the world around you.
6. “You only say that to get attention”
When you tell a child that they are just saying something to get attention, it invalidates their feelings. He makes them feel that their opinions don’t matter and that they should hide their way of thinking.
7. “I love you, but…”
The more a child hears this, the more he will think that he is incapable of being loved. While they may know you love them, this will make them feel like you’re the only one who will. Telling him you love him, but then following up with criticism, is not beneficial to a child’s emotional development.
8. “No wonder everyone thinks you’re dumb.”
You can replace the word ‘fool’ with any other negative insult, and it would have the same effect. When you say things like this, you can cause years of mental damage that can lead to more problems. This damage likely begins as insecurity and self-loathing, but it can manifest into much more.
While children are taught that bullies’ words shouldn’t hurt them, this doesn’t apply when it comes to a parent. A child cannot simply ignore hurtful words spoken by a parent, and it can cause psychiatric or personality disorders.
9. “Can’t you do anything right?”
This phrase will make a child believe that he can’t do anything right. Abuse of this kind is meant to make the child try harder, but it doesn’t work that way. Once a child hears something to this effect, he will stop believing in himself.
It will ruin your self-esteem and can lead to self-loathing. When a child hears something about himself, he begins to believe that it is true. They will then strive to exceed your expectations of them, which they believe can’t do anything right.
10. “You’re always so difficult”
As with some of the emotionally abusive statements above, this one will lower your self-esteem. They will begin to see themselves as a difficult child and their actions will show it. When you tell a child that he is a certain way, that is how he will begin to behave.
They listen intently to what you say and learn from what they hear. If they learn that they are a challenge, it will only make the situation worse, both in the short and long term. Instead of saying negative things to them, try saying positive things about them and see how their behavior adjusts.
Saying this to a child can make him think that he has to give him his full attention. They may think that they won’t be accepted and loved by you unless they do. When this happens, you take time away from learning, playing and developing.
12. “It’s silly for you to think…”
This is another way of invalidating a child’s feelings. They will become insecure about how to express their feelings and learn to repress emotions instead. By telling them that you think their opinions are silly, you’re also trivializing the things that bother them.
13. “I gave up a lot of things for you”
When you have children, you have to sacrifice in many ways. This is true for all parents, and a child should never feel like she is picking on him because of it. It’s not their job to give you a good life and they should never feel like they’ve made your life worse.
14. “It’s not perfect”
Teaching your children that everything must be perfect is detrimental to their minds. They will begin to think that you will not be proud of them or love them if they are not perfect.
This can cause the child to be overly critical of himself, which undermines his confidence. They will begin to question their self-esteem and may believe that they are not capable of doing well.
It can also cause an overwhelming amount of stress and anxiety for the child. They will always believe that no matter how hard they have tried, they must go ahead and achieve perfection.
15. Tell them nothing (you give them the silent treatment)
Remaining silent is a form of mental abuse, and this is especially true when it comes to children. When they feel ignored, they’ll wonder why they’re not good enough to get your attention.
If they had done something wrong and the silent treatment is a form of punishment, it is still harmful. They will not learn to self-regulate their emotions or talk about problems. This will negatively affect their mental health and self-esteem well into adulthood.
final thoughts
Knowing that emotional abuse is a form of child abuse can help you remember to avoid these emotionally abusive phrases. Emotional abuse has serious consequences for children, and studies show that these consequences can last a lifetime. However, parents are not perfect and they all say things they shouldn’t have done.
You may not realize that the things you are saying are emotionally abusive phrases. However, it is essential to think about what you say to a child before you say it to avoid emotional damage. Since children are still developing emotionally, it is essential Avoid these negative phrases and stay positive.