Have you ever lost someone close to you? Do you describe yourself as a “people pleaser”? Do you constantly worry that someone will leave you or betray you? If you can relate to the above statements, you may be experiencing problems with child abandonment.
Why do you experience the feeling of abandonment?
Depending on the severity, these problems occur when people experience intense and unhealthy fears of losing people, places, or things in their lives. They are always afraid of experiencing abandonment again. They can manifest at any time in your life, but they usually begin during childhood.
We often imagine traditional abuse coming from parents or caregivers when we think of the child abandonment. They can come from that, but any relationship could be the root cause of abandonment issues.
There are several reasons why someone may fear being abandoned and avoid being rejected or hurt. It doesn’t just target a specific event; it can be born from a pattern of events. Children who lose someone close to them may grow up with fear of losing the people they care for.
These problems are created primarily based on childhood trauma and neglect. When a parent or caregiver denies their child the freedom to express themselves, places stress and pressure on their daily lives, dismisses their feelings, neglects them, and even treats them as a friend or partner rather than a child, it can contribute to potential problems. of abandonment
4 Behaviors That Could Reveal Child Neglect
When a child’s physical, mental, and emotional needs are not met, they develop an insecure attachment style, which was first proposed by John Bowlby in 1969. Mary Ainsworth expanded on this work in the 1970s. They suggested that attachment styles to They often emerge in early childhood developmental stages from relationships with their parents or primary caregivers.
Parents or caregivers can best support their children by seeking professional mental health help, assuring their love, providing validation, communicating, being open-minded, showing empathy, and ensuring that they are able to express their emotions.
People with abandonment problems can have these different behaviors. They may end relationships for something frivolous, push people away, always feel the need to please others, remain guarded with their emotions, avoid being vulnerable in any relationship, mistrust someone’s intentions and assume they are negatively motivated, have difficulty finding a support system, completely disconnecting from relationships to prepare for and avoid rejection, and, in extreme cases, resorting to violence and manipulation.
While there are a number of behaviors that people who have experienced child neglect may demonstrate, we describe the main four in detail.
1 – Being People Pleasing Reveals Childhood Abandonment
Have you ever heard of being “people pleasers”? Recently, this has become a popular term for people who tirelessly devote their time to others. They will always say “yes” to every request, even when it is not in their best interest. They are very reliable and helpful and are always willing to volunteer their time for someone or an organization.
They tend to stretch a lot because they are too busy supporting others. There is nothing wrong with wanting to help people. But if you fail to meet your own needs or neglect your well-being, it becomes a problem.
People pleasers tend to agree with whoever is close to them to avoid confrontation, constantly apologize for things they have nothing to do with, and have a hard time telling people ‘No’.
Their value comes from how much they can support people and how they are perceived. This goes back to childhood abandonment because they want to keep people close to avoid rejection or being abandoned again. If they are always pleasing those around them, there is no reason for them to leave.
Unfortunately, they may be taken advantage of for their good nature and lead to resentful thoughts. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and setting the limit by saying ‘no’.
2 – Feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem arise when someone leaves you
People with feelings of abandonment commonly experience a high sense of unworthiness, low worth, and insecurity. Growing up without warm guidance, they may wonder what they did wrong. Those debilitating thoughts can surface in your relationships when someone feels bad about themselves. These insecurities translate into trust issues. This is why people with abandonment issues have trouble trusting others. They convince themselves that they are not worthy of love.
3 – People who experienced childhood abandonment can become attached very quickly
Many people with abandonment problems can become attached to people too quickly. This may sound like a good thing. But it is essential to make sure they are on the same page as the other person.
On the receiving end, it can be overwhelming for the other person when you develop feelings too quickly or share too much about your life. They could potentially avoid you or leave you, which will make your abandonment issues worse because you would have no idea what happened. Because insecurity is a family feeling associated with abandonment problems, you will internalize the situation, lowering your self-esteem. You will reflect on everything and you will notice what you think you did wrong.
They want to feel close to someone. If someone has abandoned them, they can become clingy because they need the support and attention that they had before. Because they believe rejection and abandonment are inevitable, they want to feel close to someone, even if they don’t know them well.
When they discover the person they can connect with, it’s a really positive feeling. For some, it may be the first time they feel validated. It’s hard not to quickly become attached when you finally find the support you need.
4 – The difficulty of being vulnerable comes with being abandoned
As stated above, vulnerability is difficult for people with abandonment issues to show. They can be very cautious. If someone who grew up has been vulnerable with her partner or parent, and her loved ones dismissed her feelings, they slowly create a wall between them and the world. They have felt invalidated and do not want to feel that way again. That’s why it’s so hard for them to be vulnerable. They don’t want to experience openness and not receive validation.
Final Thoughts on Coping with Child Abandonment
If you align yourself with any of these behaviors, it is essential to identify them before they become harmful to you or your relationships. Consider going to therapy to address your concerns with them. If treatment isn’t possible, do your best to open up in your relationships about these issues you’re having as well.
They may be able to provide you with the support or guidance you need to navigate emotionally. If your needs are not being met, take the time to practice self-care for your emotional well-being. If you know someone with abandonment problemsgive them the space to be themselves and reaffirm your support for that special person.