5 common traumas of daughters not loved by their mothers

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5 common traumas of daughters not loved by their mothers

Each woman’s story is different, but perhaps the biggest common thread is the discovery that each of them is not alone, that they are not the only women who had mothers who could not or did not want to love them.

Taboos on mothers’ “disapproval” and motherhood myths that portray all mothers as loving serve to isolate unloved daughters. This discovery alleviates the pain and burden somewhat, but it does not eliminate them completely.

Common traumas of women who did not receive love from their mother

Research has shown that early childhood attachments are highly predictive of adult romantic relationships and friendships. Not surprisingly, the most common traumas are self-inflicted in the field of emotional connection.

1. Lack of confidence

The woman who was not loved as a child does not know that she is worthy of love and attention and may have grown up feeling ignored, or criticized everywhere. The voice inside her head is her mother telling her that she is not smart, beautiful, kind, loving, dignified.

This internalized maternal voice will continue to undermine their achievements and talents unless there is some intervention.

2. Difficulty setting limits

Many women who are caught between the need for their mother’s attention and the absence of that attention report that are constantly trying to please others in their adult relationshipss. Or that they are unable to establish the limits necessary to have healthy and emotionally satisfying relationships.

Many daughters report problems in their friendships with women complicated by trust issues (How do I know she’s really my friend?), problems with her inability to say “no” (Somehow I always end up being a doormat, doing too much and feeling used or disappointed in the end) or want a relationship so intense that the other person withdraws.

Insecurely attached daughters often end up creating scenarios where their relationships are never quite right, but somehow too “hot” or too “cold”.

3, Difficulty seeing yourself more clearly

One woman shares what she eventually learned in therapy: “When I was a child, my mother limited me by always focusing on my failures and never my successes. After college I worked many jobs, but in all of them my superiors complained that she was not trying hard enough to develop me.» This is largely due to internalizing everything he heard growing up.

These self-image distortions can extend to any areaa, including appearance. (Personally, I went through photos from my teenage years, looking for the girl my mom called “fat.” She also called me “repulsive,” which unfortunately isn’t that easy to confirm or disprove in a photo—that took ages.)

other daughters report being surprised when they are successful at something and they are reluctant to try something new to reduce the chance of failure. This is not just a matter of low self-esteem, but something deeper.

4. They become more withdrawn

Lack of trust or a sense of fear sometimes causes the unloved daughter to huddle defensively to avoid being hurt by a bad relationship instead of finding the motivation for a potentially stable and loving relationship. These women on the surface may act like they want to be in a relationship, but on a deeper, less conscious level, their motivation is to escape.

Unfortunately, avoidance, whether caused by fear, lack of trust, or something else, actively prevents the unloved daughter from finding the kind of loving and supportive relationships she always seeks.

5. Excessive sensitivity

The woman who was not loved as a child can be sensitive to insults, real and imagined. A random comment can remind her of her childhood experiences without her even realizing it.

Sometimes I mistake a taunt for something else and worry myself to death until I get over it and realize the person didn’t mean anything by it. Having a loveless mother also means that these daughters often struggle to control their emotions, tend to over-analyze and think for themselves.

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