Disagreements, but also fights, between you and the child are an integral part of being a parent. As children get older, they want to assert their independence, so they become naughty and don’t respect you as much as before.
At those moments, it is inevitable to get angry and say things without thinking well. The following phrases, however, should be avoided at all costs if you don’t want to deeply hurt your child.
Phrases you should not say to your child
The following phrases should be avoided by parents, since their effect can last in the child’s memory for an inconclusive time, even affecting their adult life and their behavior when it is their turn to be a parent.
1. Say curses
It’s one of the worst things you can say to your child when you’re fighting, even if they talk down to you. You are the adult who will have to do everything possible to teach the child to behave correctly, now and in her adult life.
If you curse your son when you fight, you will teach him to do the same with his own children later on.
2. “You are ungrateful/unacceptable/bad/liar, etc.”
The moment of the fight is an opportunity for both of them to express their true feelings and concerns and thus find solutions to what worries them.
However, labels and insults do not lead to such solutions, but rather hurt and intensify anger.
These words “stick” in your child’s mind and can seriously affect their future relationships, as well as their self-confidence.
3. “I wish you hadn’t been born”
Even if at some point you hear the child say “I wish I had never been born,” you should never drop a bombshell like that. On no account do you want to put into your child’s mind the suspicion that you may not want him, which risks coming back to haunt him if he tries to make his “his wish” come true.
4. “You ruined my life!”
Blaming your child for existing makes no sense and shows that you are not mature enough to be a parent. That he was born was not his decision, it was yours. And, even when you’re furious with him, saying something so harsh says more about your character than his.
5. “Why aren’t you like your sister/cousin/friend of so-and-so?”
It’s easy to compare your clumsy child to another kinder child, especially as they enter the tumultuous period of adolescence. But you have to understand that your child is trying to find himself.
He is who he is and asking him to be someone else is like telling him “You are not good enough the way you are.”
6. “I hate you” or “I don’t love you”
First of all, we hope that no parent wants to say such a talk. They are useless and inappropriate and only drive an even bigger wedge between you and your beloved son. Even if these statements are true, you should never express them, but you should consult a specialist.
7. “Shut up, I don’t care!”
Listening is much more difficult and much more important than speaking. What caused the fight in the first place was probably the breakdown of communication between parents and children. So by reinforcing the position that you are not willing to listen to your child, you are only insulting and hurting him.
8. You are a crybaby!
If we use this phrase frequently, we will end up repressing our children’s emotions and they will understand that crying is something negative that they have to hide.
Therefore, if you have ever used it, banish it from your vocabulary. This type of phrase considerably damages their self-esteem, since they point out that they are crying because they do not know how to deal with the situation.
9. “Leave me alone”
Parents often need time to be aloneThe problem comes when we tell our children too many times that we want to be away from them, because they internalize that message, especially if we say it when they are trying to get closer to us out of an emotional need.