Are you familiar with this topic? This situation is usually very familiar to many women. The habitual choice of couples that turn out to be the wrong ones can have a fundamental explanation.
At least once in your life, you may have heard this from your partner, or you yourself fell into a state where it seems to you that you always choose the wrong type of partner. And then you start to think that there are no normal men, that there are no good women, that not all of them are like that and that it is useless to look for a healthy relationship.
Many times we hear or read that men are no longer the same as before, that they are childish, that they do not want to work, that they do not think about the family, etc., etc. In fact, this is just a denial of your responsibility when it comes to forming a relationship.
Assuming that you are the one who chooses your partners, this is where you need to start thinking about what is happening in your personal life. Your responsibility and your contribution to whom and how you build relationships.
First of all, it is worth analyzing which type you choose, how exactly these men treat you and in what emotional state you are next to them. At the same time, men can be very different in appearance, income, character, but, nevertheless, there will always be something in common between them, or rather, your condition and model of relations with these men will be common.
The characteristics of the relationships you seek
Looking closely, you may find that your relationships with the men you choose fall into one of four options:
1. You are looking for a relationship to give meaning to your life
This is the option when you start living for the relationship and for your partner. This means that a man becomes the main object of your life, a man seems to you better than you in various indicators, a position appears in which a man is your whole life.
All the opinions, interests and beliefs of a man become yours and only they are correct. A man’s desires also become the main thing, and you start to put your interests second.
At the same time, you can transfer responsibility for your well-being and emotional state to your partner. All his decisions become non-negotiable, you accept them by default, do not argue and accept immediately. In this relationship you will try to maintain intimacy at all costs, abandoning yourself completely.
2. You seek to care for your partner as if you were their mother
The second option is the complete opposite. When a man next to you is unhappy in some way, he constantly has some problems, he regularly needs your help.
Such a man is not independent, he always needs to be controlled, advised, such men often turn out to be dependent, that is, he can suffer from alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling or other problems.
They cannot find a job for a long time, they often get depressed, and then all the activity and all your well-being falls on your shoulders.
In such a relationship, you will always be understanding, supporting and caring for him. You assume both male and female roles. Your role is to infinitely pity and understand him.
3. The victim and the tyrant
Another variant of pathological relationships is the relationship of a tyrant and a victim. Such a man demands complete submission, uses emotional or physical violence, threats and blackmail, wants to completely control your whole life.
At the same time, he justifies his actions by the fact that he acts for your good, and therefore takes care of you. Such actions can have varying degrees of force, but over time, the violence becomes more frequent or increases, because the idea of a tyrant is always the complete submission of his victim.
At the same time, you can gradually lose criticism of what is happening, think that the problem is with you, that you are behaving badly, and if you start behaving well enough, you will finally be liked and respected.
4. The complacent woman
This is when you find yourself in a situation where you have to mirror your partner as good all the time. Constantly inspire him, praise him, guess his desires – and only then will he be satisfied.
If this does not happen, they begin to accuse you of not knowing how to love. In return, you can receive the same admiration, but only if you sufficiently guess the desires of your partner. Such a partner can either exalt you or completely devalue you very quickly.
At the same time, you cannot be dissatisfied with something, you cannot suffer next to him, you should always feel good, you should always be in a good mood, and you should always be happy with him, no matter what he does.
conclusions
You should note what role you find yourself in most often in a relationship and what feelings you most often experience in them. In most cases, these feelings are fear, loneliness, rejection, resentment, shame, guilt, and anger.
In fact, our psyche has a certain peculiarity: we do not choose what is comfortable for us, but what is familiar and familiar to us. Therefore, in addition, you need to think about where and when you learned to be in the position in which you find yourself with men.