Education is increasingly being questioned, since many of the values associated with the care and guidance of children have been greatly reduced, often involuntarily, since parents do the best effort, but still lack basic knowledge to give your children alternatives and opportunities instead of nullification and punishments.
We know perfectly well that one is not born knowing how to educate, nor how to be parents, educators that then do not affect the future of their children at all. This is learning, and above all, children are also educating their parents so that they learn how to do it better.
In this article we offer options to focus on giving children more opportunities for growth, avoiding stagnation and nullification, leaving punishment aside and prioritizing affection, always hand in hand with the appropriate limits that care for education requires and transmitting values in a family.
Punishment has negative effects on the child
Although in previous decades it was one of the basic methods of education applied by parents, and also by teachers, almost permanently, today the punishment is strongly questioned by expertswho accept it only as a last resort.
In modern times punishment is replaced by reward, which predisposes children to good behavior and helps them feel good about themselves, unlike punishment which, when it occurs frequently, has negative effects on their self-esteem and then on his life.
In fact, it is not uncommon for children to be stigmatized and engage in negative behaviors, so what they know will happen. Perceiving that they are the ones who “do not make it”, “do not do anything right” and are constantly punished, his self-confidence drops to very low levels. This causes them to assume the role of the “bad boy” and then act and behave accordingly to attract attention and punishment, creating a vicious cycle.
The lack of limits is another problem
On the other hand, there are parents who do not set limits. Acceptance does not mean that parents should let children do what they want. Setting limits, for your part, is essential, since children absolutely need them and feel safe within them, even if they constantly try to exceed them.
“When parents don’t set limits, kids can’t self-regulate. They constantly feel a disturbance and confusion, which leads them to uncontrolled and chaotic behavior, which does not allow them to stay in the social environment.
What are the best alternatives?
The truly effective alternatives to punishing children are those that allow the child learns from his mistakes and develops in a healthy way.
Positive discipline is more beneficial to the parent-child relationship, as it is based on love and mutual respect. This does not mean that you should give in to the whims of children, but you should not be too bossy either.
It’s about setting limits by taking into account your children’s feelings and needs, as well as your own feelings and needs as a parent.
Talk to your children and address the problem
Many parents find it difficult to talk to their children without the conversation ending in a fight. This usually happens when children need help but refuse to talk to their parents.
Explain the consequences of your actions
Words make the difference. Telling your children “if you do this, I will make you sorry” will only make them fear you, not respect you. Also, this way you don’t teach them what behaviors they need to change.
Let them know and understand that their actions have consequences. Make them understand that these consequences can affect the people around them.
The most effective way to understand something is by experiencing it, let them experience what can happen to them when they do something wrong, that is not serious, but that shows them that it can affect them and also affect others.
Give them opportunities to make up for their bad behavior
Choose different alternatives to punishment, depending on what the children have done. Let them think and decide which option they prefer the most. Options can range from limiting their access to electronic devices to delegating more chores to them. But make them part of their own discipline.