Parents do not want to deprive their children of anything, either out of love or primal instinct. Children, for their part, from birth have needs and desires that translate into a constant “I want.”
Giving in to every child’s wish fosters the impression that they can have it all. The child must not think that she can have everything he asks for, a man cannot have everything. Find out how you can help him to respect and later understand this.
Why parents say “yes” to all their children’s wishes and why they are wrong
A shamelessly opinion wrong, but very common, is that “The more things you offer the child, the better father you are”. Material goods do not replace or solidify your love.
It’s natural to feel compelled to give all you can for your child, but caution is needed: very often parents give children much more than they really need to be happy and satisfied. The attitude of constant concessions carries risks: the child can become spoiled and demanding.
Parents often buy their children small and sometimes large gifts to reward them. The reward tactic is commendable and useful when done on purpose. The child can tell: “Mom, can you bring me this toy car? I dressed myself today! You shouldn’t reward him for something so small (unless it’s the first time he’s done it alone). You need to understand that you are not entitled to a new game because you did the obvious. and something that he would correspond to and begin to do by himself.
Parents sometimes become flexible to their children’s “I want” out of selfishness or fear of losing the child’s love. They imagine his son telling his friends “I have the best dad in the world! Look what happened to me!” and excited to show off his new acquisition. Your son loves you and he will love you whether he gives him gifts or not.
Love is not earned with expensive toys. It is built with everything you already do: with time, patience, care, laughter and play.
How will you teach the child that he can’t have everything he asks for?
It is important that the child knows the limits at an early age, because if we take too long, the correction at a young age can bring great conflicts, especially when they consider that they are only there to receive everything from their parents, without having to do any work. On your part.
1. Ask yourself: “What do I want my child to learn?”
Think about what kind of person you want to raise. By granting your child’s every wish, you teach him that he can get what he wants simply by asking for it, rather than by cultivating the virtues of industriousness and responsibility.
The child must learn that people work hard for a living and that they are not always entitled to new things if they have not worked hard to get them. It is understood that hard work and good behavior are naturally and fairly rewarded.
2. Set limits and communicate them to the child
It is important that you first set your own limits. Think about when you really need to please him and when you are pampering him. First of all, resolve within yourself that the motto “take what you want, so you don’t cry and so you love me” is wrong.
Having established in yourself when the child has the right to new toys, try to tell him: «You can get the new bike you want, with the money you will raise of your birthday”.
3. Establish a system of rules
You can also set clear rules clarifying your position. For example, explicitly tell him that cannot carry more than one toy at a time. So promise him a new toy on his birthday, on holidays, and on a fixed basis that you set (once a month or every other month).
4. Offer him a “job”
If you are of the opinion that children should somehow work hard for what they want, assign him some chores and “pay” him with the toy he asks for. In this way, the child will understand the work-reward relationship.
By acknowledging the effort you put into giving him what he wants, he can learn to consciously limit his desires.